Easing Social Anxiety By Expecting Discomfort
Being able to connect with others is extremely important for our well-being and quality of life. However, putting yourself out there to meet new people may make some individuals feel anxious and insecure about themselves. It is common to feel nervous when introducing yourself to strangers or making small talk. But any initial discomfort contains a lot of potential for reward. While the process of forging new relationships brings uncertainty, it also fulfills important human needs for companionship and support. Studies show that strong social bonds correlate with lower risks of various health issues. Loneliness, in contrast, has been tied to increased anxiety, depression and other concerns.
Rather than seeing nerves as a deterrent, one can recognize them as natural and expect some awkward moments at first. With an open and easygoing manner, connecting with others becomes less stressful. Each new interaction provides an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone while connecting over shared interests. Through putting ourselves in situations that don't feel completely comfortable or natural, we build skills for forming meaningful relationships.
Why We Fear New Interactions
There are both psychological and biological reasons why unfamiliar social situations cause anxiety for many people. Our brain is wired to detect and respond to any potential threats to our safety and belonging within a group. Thousands of years ago, being excluded or rejected from your tribe could have been a life or death situation.
So when we find ourselves interacting with new people, our brain can misinterpret the scenario and set off alarm bells - increased heart rate, shortness of breath, tense muscles, and an impulse to flee. Our rational mind likely knows there's no real danger. But those innate fear responses are deeply rooted self-protection instincts.
Expecting a Little Awkwardness
If you enter every new social scenario viewing initial awkwardness as inevitable rather than something to avoid, it becomes far less scary. You can accept those few moments of discomfort as totally normal when meeting someone for the first time. After all, you're both human and the other person is probably feeling the same thing too! Not forcing yourself to be perfect from the start allows you to relax and feel less tense.
A Few Conversation Starters
To get a conversation going, start with some openers that invite sharing from both sides:
- "How's your week going so far?"
- "What kept you busy lately?"
- "Have you been able to get out and enjoy the nice weather?"
Listen for any mutual interests you can explore more. And don't be afraid to circle back and ask follow up questions if someone shares something that sparks your curiosity.
Give Yourself a Break
If there are any lulls or moments of awkwardness, resist beating yourself up. Pauses happen in every new interaction when people are still getting used to each other. They don't have to be viewed as negatives. Take advantage of pauses to breathe, smile, and think of a new direction to take the conversation.
The more you embrace those inevitable uneven moments as no big deal, the less intimidating and draining each new interaction will be. You might even start enjoying the silence for a moment or two instead of feeling stressed about it.
Don't Force It
You may put in solid effort only to realize you're just not clicking with someone, and that's okay too. Thank them for their time, be courteous, and move on. Not every interaction has to become a lasting friendship. Plenty more opportunities will come.
Focus on Baby Steps, Not Perfection
Progress over perfection should be the goal. Don't aim to become an overnight social butterfly if you’re typically shy and not so talkative. Maybe start with an approachable setting built around an activity you enjoy - a trivia night, fitness meetup, book club, or neighborhood street festival. Having a built-in common interest can make it easier to connect over shared passions first rather than forcing small talk.
Get Into a Routine
As you make a habit out of putting yourself in new social settings, it will build your confidence and communication skills over time. The more familiar you become with the temporary discomfort, the more it will normalize for you. Those anxious physical responses will gradually diminish too.
After sticking with it for a while, you may even find yourself looking forward to getting out there. Making a few promising connections and having positive experiences can provide all the motivation you need.
Allow Yourself to Decompress Too
Between new social outings, don't neglect to reserve plenty of self-care time too. Meeting a lot of new people at once can be draining, even after you've worked through the initial anxiety hurdles. Make sure you recharge without overloading your socializing beyond your ideal levels.
The Benefits of Pushing Forward
While putting yourself out there is understandably intimidating, working through social discomfort gradually opens up so many fulfilling opportunities. You'll be able to enjoy:
- New Perspectives: Exposing yourself to fresh ideas, backgrounds, interests, and ways of viewing the world. This helps you become a more well-rounded person.
- Diverse Experiences: Whether joining a new group outing, attending an event you never would have otherwise, or picking up a new hobby, social bravery unlocks so many enriching life experiences.
- Authentic Connections: Having people you can share a genuine bond with, be yourself around, lean on, and create lasting memories together. Deep friendships provide irreplaceable richness in our lives.
Give Yourself Credit
While it's not an easy feat, don't underestimate the courage it takes to keep putting yourself out there. Be proud of your determination! Even taking small steps to explore new social settings takes effort most people don't summon. In leaning into the temporary awkwardness, you're strengthening self-confidence and life skills that will serve you well.
In making space for some discomfort, you're making space for authentic human connections, personal growth, added perspective, and ultimately, more fulfillment in life. Keep at it, be patient with yourself, and enjoy the rewards as you start feeling more at ease in any new social setting.
Are you new in Toronto and looking for ways to feel less lonely? Check out some of our other helpful posts!
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